The cruelty of childhood trauma is that we don’t know what normal and healthy is. So even as adults, we flounder and flail in life trying to heal towards normalcy but we don’t know what “that” is. And I mean emotional normalcy, anyone can fake looking normal but to have the true sturdy and healthy foundation that comes from the virgin soil of our innocent childhoods when good seeds are planted by responsible parents is something different altogether.

I believe having compassion for one’s abuser is really having compassion for yourself. But I believe many mistake compassion for “trying to make it work” and if they can have somewhat of a semblance of a relationship with those who hurt them, they define it as compassion, forgiveness, and misjudge it for moving on and healing. While I believe you can have relationships with your abusers, it can only come after you’ve have done your work on yourself. The compassion I speak of is truly seeing your parents/abusers in the light of their own powerlessness as children. And trust me, this is not a lens you can choose to look through on a whim. It’s a lens you grow to be able to see as you process through your own journey. And the journey is for a lifetime.